Patriotic Laundry Metaphors

These colors don't run.
Even if these colors are in hot water, they will not shrink from their duty.
These colors don't run, but they do bleed���and they're willing to, if need be. 
These colors don't like to be hung out to dry.
These colors don't need to be washed in the gentle cycle, because they are tough. 
These colors don't like change because it rattles around in the dryer. 
These colors are dyed in the wool, the wool of American eagles and our wooly forefathers.
Separate these colors from darker colors, especially if they've entered the laundry illegally and now want these colors to pay for their detergent.
Colors may bleed: red, white, and blue. 
These colors can handle tough stains like grass and the blood of innocent civilians.
Before putting these colors in the laundry, remember to consult washing instructions on the Constitution.
These colors have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of snappy-dress.
These colors can iron out any wrinkles in the fabric of America by using hot steel and a can-do-attitude.
These colors will always stick together, especially if you don't use an anti-static cling dryer sheet.
These colors go great with any outfit.
These colors don't change. You���re thinking of hypercolor.
These colors are red with anger, blue in the face, and white with you Uncle Sam!
Freedom isn't wrinkle-free.

- - -
Originally featured in the McSweeney's book of Politics and Musicals